Name that scandal (version 2.0)
Having successfully imposed my own name for the sponsorship mess -- Adscam -- on the unsuspecting public, it's time to repeat the trick with regard to the gathering Mulroney-Schreiber mess. As before, I will solicit reader suggestions, then brazenly choose one of my own. Unless you come up with something better....
So what do we call this business? Mercifully, no one has trotted out the inevitable Schreibergate -- yet. So... Airbusted? Cashapalooza? What?
Or maybe it's too soon. We don't actually know at this point whether there even is a scandal. More like a mystery. The Pasta Puzzle? The Secret Commissions Conundrum? The Missing Millions?
With great power comes great responsibility...
11/23/2007
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107 Comments
Mulroney Muddle
Vander Zalm version 2.0
Andrew:
Nice to see you are working for Canada's Great Newsmagazine.
I was just discussing this with The Person Who Cannot be Named and he liked "Airbust."
See: http://fakestephenharper.blogspot.com/
The great yawner.
The P.S. Affair (aka Plane Stupid)
Tempest in a Teapot.
Karlheinz 57 (versions of what happened).
Star Wars - Because it was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away
Hotel Lobby
KHScam
Influencza
PlanePasta
Schreiberola
Planeola
scandale amnesia
The "Pasta-fee Catastrophe"!
ChinScam, or perhaps, The Chin Bling Wing-Ding.
Implausible Deniability?
The "Legitimate Businessmen's Club"?
Reto and the Cash Machine?
Rich Men, Poor Judgment?
AC, didn't know "Adscam" was yours. Congrats!
From now on, in the interest of keeping our scandals straight - at least in terms of their country or origin - we should stick with the "scam" suffix for Canadian, er, hijinx... and leave "gate" to the Yanks.
And while some of the other options are clever, you need something short - two syllables tops - if it's going to stick.
Therefore, there really isn't any other option than.... drumroll please.... "bribescam."
Brian Bust
I suggest we take a cue from Prince.
How about "The scandal formerly known as Airbus"?
On a more pithy note, what about "Commissiongate" or "Commissionscam"? I think it nicely links things together. After all, Mulroney alleges the $300,000 was basically a commission for "work" he "did" "in relation to" Mr Schreibers' "pasta business" (good thing I'm typing instead of actually using "finger quotes"... my fingers would cramp!). Meanwhile, the money itself came from the secret $20 million in commissions Schreiber received from Airbus for... whatever it was he did (moslty, doling out the $20 million... to... whoever it was he gave it too besides Mulroney and Moores).
In keeping with the $20 million in secret Airbus commissions, and the cleverly (NOT!) code-named Swiss Bank accounts "Britain" (Brian) and "Frankfurt" (Frank), and the RCMP Swiss letter shinnanigans, could we not use "Swissgate" or "Swiss-scam" (perhaps "Genevascam" as there are far fewer s's!).
I do love Jaker's "Pasta-fee Catastrophe" though. That's great! A little long (as is my "Scandal formerly known as Airbus", of course) but a real Don King/Muhhamed Ali ring to it! Classic.
Teutonscam
Actually, on second thought, perhaps "Chin-wing bling ding" works better. Or, perhaps not.
Sticking with my rules... "scumscam" comes to mind. I think it gives proper credit to all of the parties involved.
While I'm thinking about it, I believe Chretien got off lucky several years back because if you put the proper name on his golf course scandal (should have been termed "Forescam") it would have verged on a gross visual image... especially through his mangled franglish... so everyone pretty much gave him a free pass on the shenanigans in Shawinagan (also sounds like an Ali fight).
AirCache
"AirCache" has got to be the winner. well done!
Contract KickBach
The Blarney Rubble.
Point taken from Lord Kitchener's Own.
Originally I had considered "Lyin' Brians Pasta-fee Catastrophe"...!
Why be a little ridiculous when you can go full hog?
Of more headline realistic choices I like AirBusted. I would also submit Con Air (with Con Heir reserved for Ben if the need ever arose).
Schreibergelder
... "Mulroney's encore"
... It is unlikely that the inquiry will achieve anything. It is just the word of one liar against another. No one is interested in Mr. Scheiber's fate- he began a nobody, and will spend the rest of his life in jail.
... However, the true justice is that all Canadians will now remember Mulroney as a man who sold his honor, shamed his family, and disgraced his party... all for a few pieces of silver...
And if I may add, the attraction of "Schreibergelder" is that anyone affected by the fallout can be described as having been "Schreibergelded" and, henceforth, a "Schreibergelding."
Macarooney.
Scamalot.
(No need to thank me).
Pay-Comeau
Conservative Mote, Liberal Beam.
Westmountgate.
Schreiberbriber.
I tend to believe John Crosbie who was a Minister when the Airbus decision was made and who said the process was straight forward.
I thought most people called it the Airbus Affair. Oh well.
Britan's Song?
No, movie is too old.
Karlheinz-Contra?
Open Skies (and wallets)?
Air Unfair? sounds like Dion came up with it
Scamjet?
If only anyone knew what a scramjet was...
I'll just go with Payol-Air
I think "Brian's Story" is taken. So I'll go with "The Teutonic Scandal" in a lame attempt to tie back to a previous prime minister's poor judgement.
Craig Piche
Ottawa
I like AirCache that someone suggested.
We could go with HerrCache.
How about the $300,000 Suitcase Deal from Deal or No Deal?
Was this the same Airbus scam that had the contract going to Quebec instead of Winnipeg? We can call it the Great Patriotic Aeroflop. How about Aeroflip?
WhateverScam.
As in whatever Schreiber is saying this week must be the current truth and all previous stories are past truths.
Or
LaughingStockScam
As in Canada is the international laughing stock because this case shows how easy it is for any criminal with a big pile of dough to hire greasy lawyers who can manipulate the deportation system for over 8 years, proving if you have money in Canada, you can buy the system off.
Canada Goose came closest to my suggestion, which is just simply:
Brieber
Not really the best for naming the scandal, but great for referring to the two principals, who are now seemingly always mentioned in conjuction with the other. A sorta tip-of-the-hat to the Hollywood habit of coining one word to refer to a glamour couple (e.g. Bennifer, Brangelina, etc.).
And it also pretty much captures the essence of the allegations levelled against MBM18.
Air Canard
Moola-roney Scam
Its money for an airplane, like getting bus fare from mom:
Airfare? Air-a-fare?
The book of revelations features trials from false prophets just before Babylon falls; perhaps for weary taxpayer, a public inquiry might be interpreted as a plague on us all, a sign of impending judgement:
the tribulation of the false profits? Brian's rapture (they get paid, we get left behind)...etc.
Corrupt-a-lunch
L'affaire cash-ghetti
L' affaire cash only
Operation provide for Brian’s family
Operation keep Brian out of the poorhouse
Cash-scam
L’Affaire dine and cash
Just as an side do you think that Schrieber ever said to Brian, “$300,000 for some stinkin' salmon?!”
Shreiba-Mulroney
Airbus2007
Lobbymania
Mulroneygate
How about: Airbucks ?
SchreiberSpiel
ConAir
Deutcshe Affair
AirBucks, as suggested, is quite cute.
I'm wondering if there is a way to integrate David Hasselhoff -- Gernman's do love him.
I'm also game for anything with the word lederhosen.
Canadians were allegedly leaderhosed.
Schreib-feld - a scandal about nothing
skinny dipper had it right: Deal or No Deal. Starring the former PM as the sweaty contestant and Schreiber as the anonymous banker. And yes, Howie Mandel will be presiding over the public inquiry.
Too bad Schreiber never paid him with twenty dollar bills, so we could simply call it "Canada's greenest Prime Minister"
In honor of King Leonidas:
300.
Das Rheingold.
How about Breibergate? The affair has Watergate-type implications. It relates to apparent bribes by Schreiber...Breiber.
The current Phase 1 ought to be called "Flood gate", because we don't know what's going to come down the chute once it's opened.
Re Breibergate...It occurred to me later that Breiber is also a blend of Brian and Schreiber. Come on, Andrew. It's meant to be.
Corner Kass (German for "Cash")
or
Pay Comeau
are my favorites.
Canoodle has to fit in there somewhere
Skinny Dipper, you were so close:
Leaderhoser.
Blue Herrington Lake Gate
Stephane Dion "I'll do anything for a Conservative scandal"...just so long as Canadians with short term memories forget about Adscam!
Just came across this thread but here goes...
heinz's pickle
or how about...
the shamrock plummet
(perhaps that already happened when kim got only two seats)
or for some really inside baseball..
Moores' Moor
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Moores)
but andrew, for pure bald-faced obviousness you can't beat
airgate
Cash Eh?
Der Chin
Heinz Jinx
Karlheinz & Muldoon Hotel Affair (Karl'doon Hotel Affair, for short)
The Scamrock Summit
The envelope please.
And the other $19,700,000? (aka $300k - the 1-1/2 percent solution)
Scamad (nauseum).
The best politicians money can buy.
AirBust?
Breaking news: Airbus in $14.8B deal with China
Quiz: how many 100 000$ suitacases were given to chinese officials to get the deal ?
Irish blarney/German Graf(t)
If you ask me, AirBucks, AirCache and BreiberGate are the frontrunners.
Although if you WANT to go with Payolair...
Mike Jr., good choices. We must be approaching the dissing round, so let me begin:
AirBucks - naah, name of a DOS computer game, NZ's frequent flyer program, and Cellular One/Southwest Florida Crimestoppers Program. Commercial Lawsuits. AC hasn't been with Macleans long enough for this grief.
BreiberGate - nah. Sounds greasy for sure. But I could see litigious Brian slapping down a libel suit. Plus too confusing. Sounds like BrandenburgGate. "Ich bin ein bad choice"
Airbust - nah, too sexist. The PC police will be all over it.
You need something that translates well into english/french, with a little, je ne sais quoi...cachet. A gripping name full of intrigue and mystery, suitable for the front cover of a cheap Tom Clancy novel: AirCache!
Uh...
ABScam?
JCL
Greasegate (Schmiergatter).
Mark
Ottawa
Given the pasta connection and the zeitgeist of Canadian politics, try 'zitigraft' or 'zitigeist'
I think Skiny Dipper's phrase but as one word has it:
Airbus-scam
Maybe we're all missing the obvious and AC meant to use 'Airscam' all along?
Although 'Air Bullroney' has a certain sadistic appeal.
It's so obvious I can't believe no one else has suggested it...Airgate.
The name of the scandal:
Take off, eh?
I vote for "Airbust".
I vote for Canada Goose's suggestion: Schreiberbriber. It has a lovely ring to it.
You best get a grip on your Kady O'Malley.
On Don Newman yesterday she is already calling it "Greasegate".
How American of her.
The fact that she goes on CBC and makes a fool of herself by stating the Germans do not want KHS back doesn't reflect well on your magazine, but she is at least trying to be cool about blogs.
Hey Fred,
I watched the section on Politics with Kady O'Malley that you reference, and it appears your memory is faulty.
It starts at around 48:40.
http://www.cbc.ca/video/popup.html?http://www.cbc.ca/mrl3/8752/politics/politics_mon.wmv
She never mentions "Greasegate" or any other name.
And this is what she actually said on Germany and extradition:
"...Because as far as I know, Germany is actually ok with letting Schreiber stick around for a bit, they are not quite as, I guess, as eager to have him back immediately..."
I don't find your characterization of what she said accurate.
I think you owe her an apology.
surprised nobody's suggested "Airgraft" yet.
Easily the winner:
"Pay-Comeau"
Take a bow, Mr/Mrs/Ms Anonymous.
Many thanks Stevo.
I will trust our host's IP logging ability to sort the anonymous poseurs from posters and be able to verify which which is which.
Pasta Point of No Return...
Too long. How about:
Pasta Buck
(Insert -gate or -scam suffix at will.)
As for the tagline for the eventual CBC miniseries, apologies to Faulkner: The pasta's not dead. In fact, it's not even pasta.
In honour of the Airbus A380 it should be
Airbus K300
Well I cant say any of mine have come close to these two
Pay Comeau
Airgraft
Aircache
The only issue is this is still all focussed around AirBus....and it isnt clear that this is what Mulroney took the money for. Its too small.
I think there was spreading around money, but I dont believe BMXPM took it for that. But we shall see.
But those would be my votes right now, sadly my best shot, influenceza doesnt cut it....oh the shame of it all :-)
Funny Stuff. I saw this on youtube. A new take on this scandal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFkFVzJdIJw
Media-Scam
Schreiberschlact
Stephen: The only issue is this is still all focussed around AirBus....and it isnt clear that this is what Mulroney took the money for.
But we do know that bank accounts (cache) Schreiber set up in Switzerland came from funds obtained from the earlier Airbus sales. How he spent or distributed the funds (cache)he earned then or some years later could be entirely legal and proper. No proof yet it was graft, bribes, payola etc. or a scam. Simply a cache.
Where do I register as a lobbyist? :)
Veritas vincit: Fred was wrong about "Greasegate" (that's my name) but Ms O'Malley seems wrong about the Germans. A guest-post at "Daimnation!":
'"Greasegate", and CBC Newsworld on blogging'
Mark
Ottawa
Mark,
The guest post that you provided says: "but then [K. O'Malley]said that the Germans would be quite happy to have Mr Schreiber stay in Canada. As far as I know that is not true."
I don't think your characterization of what she said is accurate either. Compare it with the transcript I provided earlier.
swinetroughschreiblerooneypastanwermachtenriddleunterleafiencanadaliebchen
On second thought, that one insufficiently rolled off the tongue. New and Improved:
swinetroughschreiblerooneywermachtenriddleunterleafienscandalaliebchengate
Mulroney's Loonies
I don't really mind what you call it so long as you are accurate about where the truth likely lies. Before you label it 'mulrooney-gate' or the like, realize that doing so will drag a presumably (until found otherwise) innocent man's name through the mud - yet again. He has been through this once before and after many years of legal wrangling, sucessfully cleared his name. If anyone's name gets attached to the 'scandal', it should be Schrieber's. There is enough evidence to put that man away for a long time.
I'm all for "BrieberGate' (or Briebergate). Syllabically similar to Watergate, uses a play on Schieber's name and mulrooney's, and fit's the allegations. Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a winner!!!
Ad-nauseum-scam
Heirbust or Heirburst ... after all, he did it for the kids, ya know!
Or, from Heinie's perspective: Herrbust.
Myron's AirBaloney - now arriving at Gate #300.
"Wer, ich"? Gate (Who, me?)
Schwindlergate
Karlroneygate
Fizzlegate, No Airbus, No Harper, all gone in a week. Public interest? As if.
You must be crushed, AC.
Good scandals kommen von la belle province.
Schreibec Scandal;
Schreibecois Scandal;
Breibec Scandal;
Briben M*l****y Scandal;
Bribe Québécois Scandal.
Bribal Shower could also work.
Shouldn't the name distinguish the current
bribery affair centered on a contract for
an armoured car plant in Bear Head, Cape
Breton from the original, but related,
Airbus affair?
How about these (beta version) names?
"the Armoured Car affair"
"the Bear Head bribery scandal"
"Armoured Car-gate"
"the Bear Head scam"
"BearAirgate"
"the AirBear affair"
OK, these labels still need a lot of work but
maybe they'll give someone a better idea.
Immigration Heretic
The Life of Brian
A Fistful of Dollars
While too much of a mouthful to stick as a title, 'The Bear ButtHead Affair' now screams for recognition. Notwithstanding, my vote for a name goes to Airbust.
Committee Member:
"Mr. Mulroney, what was the original $300,000 supposed to fund?"
Mr. Mulroney:
"Why, the bear necessities, of course."
Bada bing.
Affairbus.
Schreibercon.
It's all a con-job and Schreiber is a convict.
Sadscam
This thing is just sad, past politicians with questionable conduct, and current ones acting horribly, gloating away. Its just sad.
The "Weiner-Snith-zel Affair".
paulsstuff
oops.
The "Weiner-Snitch-zel Affair".
Britan's Retirement Hedge Fund
Brunch with Britan
Britan's Swiss Hotel Retirement Plan
Gucci cash crunch
The PM Payola
The Karlheinz kickback