Santa's little helper

How can you put a price on a child’s smile?

-- I rigorously prove the case for a tax incentive for Christmas gift-giving in my Saturday column.

FLABBERGASTEDATE: There's an old journalistic saw that no satire is so broad that it can't elude at least half your readers. Even so, I debated with myself before including the last line in Saturday's column, in which I "reveal" that it was all a joke. Surely to God no one would need such heavy-handed instruction?

Oh yes they would. Even knowing the history of these things, I was astonished to find how many readers swallowed my preposterousness ("There is reason to believe that Canada is significantly under-gifted") whole. For pity's sake, people: Shopping as the "engine" of our prosperity? A remote-controlled monster truck as a "gift that lasts a lifetime"? Bicycles as a cure for hair loss? Wine as an area of "emerging comparative advantage" for Canada?

The worst of it is that even with the last-line tipoff, many of you still thought I was serious. Does no one read any more?

Oh, by the way

Harper springs another surprise:

OTTAWA (CP) - With an eye on a looming election, Prime Minister Stephen Harper is introducing legislation to let Canadians choose senators for the first time. The new law would allow voters to choose preferred candidates to represent their province or territory in the upper chamber. It falls short of actually electing senators, but will provide the prime minister with a gauge of public feeling in making appointments. Harper announced the news in a campaign-style speech to the Conservative caucus Wednesday.

BACKDATE: Here's my take on Harper's previous Senate gambit.

The sound of silence

The last days of the CRTC are upon it. DAMN: Shortly after I filed my column yesterday, the NDP issued this press release. It's almost like they planned it that way...

Negative feedback

Okay, I guess I should ask the obligatory follow-up question: what were my worst columns this year? Poorly written, sloppily argued, discredited by events, whatever your criteria. You will forgive me if I don't provide you with a short-list, but feel free to submit your nominations for the hall of shame...

Help me help you

Actually, just help me. I have to submit an entry to the annual National Newspaper Awards -- it's pointless, I never win, etc. but the Post likes us to enter 'cause if we win it looks good on the paper. Still, when I say it's pointless, it is: you're limited to three columns to represent an entire year's worth of work. Unless, of course, I win, in which case I will graciously defer to the Solomonic wisdom of the judges.

Not that there's any danger of that. As I look over what I've written, I'm bound to say it wasn't a great year for me. My writing seems to get more pompous and self-important with each passing column. I used to be funny once in a while, and I need to get back there: strip it down, lose the attitude, cut the verbiage. Nobody owes you the three two minutes it takes to read your column, and on too many occasions I haven't made myself agreeable enough company to make it worth the reader's while.

Meantime, however, I've still got to pick those three columns, which is where you come in. I've culled the year's output to a short-list of 20 (well, 19: I've left a spot for write-in candidates). Pick three columns you think I should enter from that list, and maybe you can help end my 16-year losing streak. (Vote here. View the results so far here).

BONUS: I screwed up the html somehow and left off one column I had intended to include in the short-list. You can vote for it if you like in the comments.

Beggars can be choosers

We need to stage an "intervention" with our political and corporate leaders. We need to tell them to shave, shower, and get a job.

-- My Saturday column discusses the "culture of begging" that has taken hold among our elites.

Done

MPs vote against revisiting gay marriage issue OTTAWA (CP) - The House of Commons has voted against revisiting the same-sex marriage issue, closing the door on the divisive debate - again. MPs voted 175-123 on Thursday against a Conservative motion calling for the government to introduce legislation restoring the traditional definition of marriage. Most Tories and about a dozen Liberals supported the motion. Most Liberals, a dozen Conservatives and all NDP and Bloc Quebecois MPs present opposed it. It's the second time the House has voted in favour of gay marriage. In 2005, MPs passed a law legalizing same-sex unions in the wake of court rulings that said barring gay couples from marriage was unconstitutional.

Right decision, right process. Now it's settled.

Duel, citizens

Opinion is divided on Stéphane Dion's dual citizenship. The Gazette says his loyalty to Canada is beyond dispute. The Vancouver Sun says the questions it raises can't be dismissed. And I agree with both of them! BONUS: Never mind Canada. The National Post asks the question no one else dares: can you imagine how the French must feel? MON DIP!: Blogger Incorrections takes sharp exception to this passage: "It is unlikely, as others have pointed out, that Mr. Dion could have been elected leader of the Liberal party were he also a member of the NDP." As he points out:

NDPers are smug poseurs, free riders on the protection afforded them by the Americans, proponents of a stifling dirigiste economics, viciously anti-american, spineless appeasers of the worst oppressors in the third world, shot through with elitist pretension, and with more than their fair share of anti-semites. How can anyone compare them to the French?

One Nation

Here's that medal from the 1900 World Fair we learned about here. And here's a thought: Would this not be an appropriate motto to inscribe on the coins we use today? "Le Canada est une nation / Canada is One Nation." Or perhaps just "One Nation." (There may be others, but this is one.) One way or another, we've got to reclaim ownership of this word.

Pro-gay marriage, pro-Charter, pro-free vote

We’ve got to get over this idea that any time MPs exercise their brain cells unchaperoned it is some sort of constitutional crisis. My Wednesday column is up.

Deep geek

Martin is entering the room right now. The mood is fairly classy.

-- Embedded Dionista blogger Jason Cherniak offers a moment-by-moment recreation of the Liberal convention from an elfin perspective.

Likewise, those who predict that Mr. Dion will be toxic to Liberal chances in Quebec, on the basis of the usual Quebec nationalist fulminations, do not know their history. The nationalists are fond of predicting what Quebecers will do or think, predictions that are almost invariably proved wrong.

-- A. Columnist, National Post, December 4.

And in a reaction that defies the conventional wisdom of Quebec pundits, 62 per cent of respondents in the province said that Mr. Dion was a good choice for the Liberals, with only 29 per cent saying he was a bad choice. The approval of the Liberals' pick was higher in Quebec than in the rest of the country, where 55 per cent liked the choice.

-- Globe and Mail/Strategic Counsel poll, December 4. UPDATE: Capt. Wells rounds up the usual suspects. I, STÉPHANE: Today's column draws the obvious parallel between Stéphane Dion and the Emperor Claudius, of I, Claudius fame. Eerie coincidence: At 51, Dion is the same age as Claudius when he became emperor.

It's impossible to predict, however. Suppose Scott Brison throws his support to Mr. Ignatieff. It looks good for Mr. Ignatieff, he's got the momentum -- until Ken Dryden crosses over to Stephane Dion's camp. That puts Mr. Dion out in front of Mr. Kennedy, who follows Mr. Dryden's suit, vaulting Mr. Dion ahead of Mr. Rae, who makes the final, fateful decision... Okay, I didn't get it exactly right, but... UPDATE: On the other hand, this is looking pretty good.

Any party leadership convention must strike a balance between conflicting objectives: to choose the messenger or the message; the candidate who reflects their ideals or the candidate who can win. The candidates, likewise, have a choice: whether to tell party members what they want to believe or what they need to hear. In their convention speeches, they must decide whether to craft a message that can win the party, or one that can win the country. Today's column, on last night's speeches. Fat lot of good Kennedy's boldness did him.

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a small town, just 5,000 souls and change. It is a town much like any other town, if that town were populated exclusively by strikingly ambitious, unnaturally friendly, perpetually earnest, disproportionately young people who drink until all hours of the day and night. And just now the town is electing a mayor. Today's column from the Liberal convention.