Yes, Minister. Minister? Minister!

March 1, 2002
EXT. SOMEWHERE IN MEXICO. DAY.

SUPER: "January 21" The minister is slumped in a deck-chair, poolside, an unread novel shading his face, a glass of sangria by his side. Somewhere a cellphone rings. After a brief struggle, he locates it.

MINISTER Hello?

ADM. MADDISON (on phone) Oh, Minister, thank God I've found you.

MINISTER Hello? Hello?

ADM. MADDISON The other way, Minister! Hold the phone the other way!

MINISTER Ah. Of course. Who is this?

ADM. MADDISON Vice-Admiral Maddison, sir, deputy chief of defence staff. I just wanted to make sure you were personally informed, as per the usual protocols.

MINISTER Informed? Informed of what? Why haven't I been told?

ADM. MADDISON (evenly) I am telling you, Minister. That's why I've got you on the phone. I thought you should know that we've been on a successful mission, that we followed the appropriate rules of engagement, that none of our people was hurt, that we've captured some suspected Afghan terrorists, or al-Qaeda terrorists, that they have been transported safely, and that they have been turned over to the Americans.

(Pause.)

Did you get all that, Minister?

MINISTER Eh? Oh. Yes, yes, of course I did, Harrison. What do you take me for?

ADM. MADDISON It's Maddison, Minister. Anyway, I thought you'd want to be kept closely briefed, what with all the kerfuffle in Parliament the last few days.

MINISTER (Singing to himself.)

"Oh, I've got a luvverly bunch of coconuts ..." What? Yes, yes, absolutely. Successful mission. Rules of engagement. Nobody hurt. Good work.

FADE TO: INT. MINISTER'S OFFICE. DAY.

SUPER: "January 25" The minister is seated at his desk, magnifying glass in hand, inspecting a newspaper.

Adm. Maddison enters.

ADM. MADDISON You wanted to see me, Minister?

MINISTER Yes, Harrison, I did. Listen, did you notice this photograph in the paper the other day?

ADM. MADDISON Yes. Good looking shot, isn't it? We're thinking of using it in our next recruitment campaign.

MINISTER Never mind that now. The point is, these are supposed to be American soldiers, but I've been having a look at this, and I'm pretty sure those boys are Canadians. You can tell from the dark camouflage.

ADM. MADDISON Well, yes.

MINISTER What do you mean, yes? Why wasn't I told? Look here, it says they've taken prisoners.

ADM. MADDISON Yes, Minister. Those are the ones I was talking about. On the phone. Four days ago.

MINISTER Not now, Harrison. I haven't any interest in reliving your private phone conversations.

Now, what I want to know is, were these prisoners turned over to the Americans? Do you have any idea what a kerfuffle there's been in Parliament over this issue?

ADM. MADDISON Minister, I've been trying to explain. The photograph was taken during the mission I briefed you on. Same soldiers. Same prisoners. And yes, we turned them -- (Pause.)

Minister? Are you listening?

MINISTER Right, right. Got it. God, what am I going to tell the Prime Minister? All this time, and I'm only finding out about this now?

CUT TO: INT. HOUSE OF COMMONS. DAY.

SUPER: "January 29" MINISTER ... and the first I learned of the incident was January 25, four days ago.

CUT TO: INT. MINISTER'S OFFICE. DAY.

The minister is seated in his chair. Adm. Maddison and Gen. Henault, the chief of defence staff, are standing over him.

GEN. HENAULT All right. And how many fingers am I holding up now?

MINISTER Two.

GEN. HENAULT Good. Now when were you first briefed about the mission?

MINISTER (vaguely) The mission.

GEN. HENAULT In which Canadian troops captured some al-Qaeda prisoners?

MINISTER Oh! Do you mean the first one or the second one?

ADM. MADDISON There wasn't any second mission! There was only one!

MINISTER But the photograph -- ADM. MADDISON It's the same mission! The one I told you about, and the one in the photograph: one and the same. How many times do I have to -- MINISTER Ohhhh. I get it. You don't have to tell me twice. Click -- I understand. Thank you, Harrison.

ADM. MADDISON It's Maddison!